Time To Get My Stuff Done

Me in the next month...

Me and My *CRAZY* Accent

I was in London for the day. While waiting to pay for a sandwich right before the train was about to leave, a gentleman tapped my shoulder and the proceeding dialogue took place:

Gentleman: Could I go ahead of you? I only have this [showing me a candy bar and exact change in his hand].

Me: I'm really sorry, but my train is about to leave.

Gentleman: WOW! You've got a CRAZY accent. [eyes in bewilderment] Where are you from?

Me: I'm from the States.

Gentleman: So you're going to board a train to the States from here? [chuckle] I heard that all Americans were nice.

Me: Hmm... yeah. Of course! [while inserting my debit card]

Gentleman: [handing over his exact change and showing the lady what he had in his hand then looks at me] See? Easy! [pats my back and walks away while I'm still waiting for my receipt]

Ok, I've had my accent called "too American", "strange" and "annoying." (The "annoying" bit was accepted because I had called my Aussie friend's accent as "incomprehensible" beforehand.) But for some reason, "crazy" and especially the way this guy had said the word left me slightly shocked. 

After the hour long ride back to uni, I've come to this conclusion: to each his own. (Alright, I borrowed that quote.) Accents make everyone more attractive in one way or another.

The Guilt

This picture says it all...

Last term, on one of the assignments for class, we were allowed to work in groups. I ended up working with two guys I'm quite close with, but there was also this lady who we'll call Z. From the beginning, Z started chatting up with me since we had one commonalty between us: an island where she had lived for the past 7 years and my family is originally from. And from the beginning, I didn't have a great affinity for her. She was loud, extremely opinionated and has a bit of a potty mouth. So, when we had to do the assignment, she had asked one of the guys if she could join in which he agreed. It's just say every time we met up at the library, we got yelled out because of Z's voice levels. After we turned in our assignment, we had our polite "hi"s then went on our way.

Two weeks ago, right before the start of break, Z emailed the guys and I about working together as a group on the next assignment. I purposely didn't respond to the email hoping that I was on holiday bumming around Eastern Europe the entire time and I didn't have a chance to check on my email as my excuse. And I know one of the guys told her he was going home (and requiring an trip on an airplane to do so) for the holidays, and therefore he couldn't work on it as a group. (It was a lie!)

Today, we had a study group for class. I was expecting the usual group of 5, but when I got there, there sat Z. I tried not to make eye contact the whole time and the guy who lied about his whereabouts had to do some backtracking to cover his butt.

In an ideal world, everyone gets along with everyone else. But sadly, it doesn't work like that. There is a reason why people lie: to hide the shame, to cover the truth. I did it because I felt guilty. I really wanted to be her friend, but at the end, I had to be as far away from her as possible. Does this make me a bad person?

Trials and Tribulations

It's been a while since I actually wrote in this blog and with good reason. Being a graduate student is hard work! I can't remember the last time I've written so much in such a short amount of time. Now that all my assignments have been turned in and I'm one day away from the start of my holiday, I'll use this time to reflect. (Well, I'll give it a go. My brain officially shut down yesterday at 9:45am. Afterwards, I kept telling people it was the year 2010.)

Let's start with a picture that could sum it all:

When I first saw this, I laughed because it is so true. (Ok, maybe not the "What my mom thinks I do." My mom just thinks I write papers.) Sometimes, I question why I'm doing this and why specifically now in this point in my life. I had a pretty decent job and a comfortable life. Then, I gave it all up to live off sugar-free Red Bull while buried under piles of journals and books. Does this master's degree guarantee me my dream job? Does it even guarantee me a job period? I have no answer to that.

What I have learned so far is that things do not appear as they seem, and I'm speaking both from the point of view of a politics student as well as the average person standpoint. But I keep telling myself there is a reason why things have turned out the way it has so far. I just have to wait it out and go with the flow until it all comes together.

That's all I got for now. Let spring break begin!!!!!!!

New Year's Resolution: The 2012 Version

Now, that it's officially 2012, I've decided to make 12 New Year's resolutions. Got to love these annual traditions! Here goes:

1. Manage my time better. I can always watch River Cottage and the Big Bang Theory after I do my readings! 
2. Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. My bum will thank me later once I can fit into my pants again. 
3. Enjoy sleeping in as much as possible. Once I go back to the working world, it'll just be but a distant memory. 
4. Keep in touch with my good friends at least once a month. The longer I keep living overseas, the more this becomes important. Or just go visit them in person. Russia isn't that far away!
5. Stop repeating the same mistakes. One day, I'll actually learn! Or I just need to start shock therapy. 
6. Stop talking to idiots because they will never change. Once a fence sitter, always a fence sitter. 
7. Learn to knit a beanie. I've spent all last month trying to look for a red beanie to no avail! If I make my own, then I can't complain anymore. 
8. Drink less. The UK hasn't been good to my liver. 
9. No more Converses! It's no longer the grown-up shoe. 
10. Crash an Olympic event. Hmmm... Compromise... Go attempt to be as close to an Olympic event a possible, preferably gymnastics. They can do cool flips! Or swimming. Guys in Speedos who should be wearing Speedos... =P
11. Start celebrating my freedom at exactly 9:46a on Friday, 14 September. I already got a party planned!
12. Find me one of those little things called a job. With the economy the way it is, I'll take anything. (Well, almost anything. Starbucks for sure. McDonald's maybe not.) Hopefully, anything where I can apply this Master's degree I'm attempting to get.

Wishing everyone a good start to the year! =)

Punching = Happiness

Adam Sandburg is a genius!

Swimming

It's been said that the optimist lives on the peninsula of infinite possibilities; the pessimist is stranded on the island of perpetual indecision. (Thank you, Anthony Bourdain!)

I have been stuck on an island for a while, but I'm heading towards the peninsula now. I've got a lot of big decisions to make in the next few weeks, but I think it's all for the purpose of the greater good. How will I come to these decisions? I don't know. (Coin flipping? Pulling numbers out of a hat? Or the trusty Rock, Paper, Scissors? Good old rock...) Now, if only life was as simple as picking a peninsula...

I've claimed this one mine! Cape Peninsula, South Africa. One day, I shall meet you, my friend.

Out with the Old, In with the New

2010... The year that was. A lot of good and a lot of bad happened, but I think at the end, I gained more than I lost. And with that, here are my New Year's resolutions for 2011:

1. The big goal for the year is to find something careerwise that will make me happy. Ok, I may be asking for much with the economy being the way it is now , but if I have to go back to school to get to this point, then it will be done.
2. "The Things That People Think But Do Not Say." I'm borrowing this from Jerry Maguire. The main point here is I need to say what I feel and not become a ticking time bomb (or someone else becomes one).
3. Figure out how to get onto the show "What Not To Wear." Or get a style makeover of my own minus the $1,000 budget they give on the show.
4. Don't care so much what others think of me. As long as I'm happy, then it'll be all good.
5. What happens in the past will stay in the past. The future is now! (Ok, that was a resolution filled with clichés...) This is meant for the family. There's a reason why people have them. And yeah, they may be difficult to be around, but at the end of the day, I should be grateful that I have one who cares about me.
6. Use that camera!!! Pictures can't magically be taken by itself in a bag buried underneath the table.
7. Yes, the always present "lose weight" resolution that everyone makes every year. I know I'll never be as skinny as a Brazilian supermodel, but I would like to get to a point where I am confident in myself and my physical appearance.
8. Put myself out there. I know I don't have the "everyone will be my friend" mentality, but I can slowly mill around.
9. Don't be so independent. Yes, this sounds weird, but people do want to help. If I brush someone off because I know I can do something myself, how will the other person feel?
10. Drink more water. It's good for me!

And that's it for this year's edition. I really should print out a copy and paste it next to the wall of my bed so I can see it every day. But at least it's been blogged and (if you're reading this now) read by others. No backing out now...

The end!

What is Love?

I’m currently sitting at the beach, stomach full of supermarket sushi, a tall nonfat caramel macchiato sitting to my left, surfers in the cold water in front of me, and a view of the planes taking off from the airport to my right. I’m here looking for inspiration, all in pursuit of trying to answer one question: What is love?

Today marks the one month anniversary of the break-up. The hurt still remains but slowly fading away. The main reason why it all ended was that he didn’t fall in love with me in the three weeks that we were together. (There is a back story to this, but that's another story for another time.)

So, how does one fall in love? Does the “falling in love” part have a time line? I know every person is different, but isn’t there some kind of universal formula or sequence that happens?

Merriam-Webster defines love as:

1a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests love for his old schoolmates b: an assurance of affection love

2: warm attachment enthusiasm, or devotion (love of the sea)

(M-W gave seven more definitions of love, but we'll just keep it simple so everyone can read it..)

Ok, so the concept of love varies from person to person. How do you know you love someone? Does love happen when you touch someone and there’s a feeling that there’s nothing else in the world but you and that other person? If you constantly think about this person every day (and not in a stalker kind of way), does that mean you’re in love?

Then, when you think you’re in love, how do you know if that person is “the one”? I have a friend: very handsome, a professor, a chronic dater. He’s been chasing this idea of “the one” for 35 years. In his head, “the one” is someone he has some magical connection, something like you would see in the movies. I asked him if he ever came close to finding “the one.” He gave me this thinking look, then said that he probably did but never gave it chance because that magical connection wasn’t instantaneous. I then asked what if he never finds this magic. He got quiet again, then responded that he’ll accept the consequences. (A very politically correct answer.)

On the other side of the spectrum, if we find this love but you’re not 100% sure, do you settle? Do you give up on this right person and pick the person who isn’t so bad. Maybe there’s not that magic spark or he/she doesn’t challenge you, but at the end, this person makes you feel good. Do you settle because there’s that greater fear that you’ll end up alone in a house full of cats? (Ok, bad stereotype.)

I’ve decided that I’m in the middle. I want someone who will challenge me and there is that special connection. Will it always be magical? Maybe, maybe not. But at the end, I want someone who is good to me and makes me comfortable about myself. Is that too much to ask?!?!?!

Now, going back to this anniversary. I’ve accepted it. I can’t force a square peg to go through a round hole. Now, it’s time to move on and hope for the best. I can be like one of those “Sex in the City” girls who just dates half the city, thus increasing my chances. Or I’ll just start looking for a dog. (I’m allergic to cats.)

Ethnic Studies 1A

Story time!

I was sitting on the Spanish Steps in Rome on a sunny March afternoon people watching. I was writing in my journal when an older Italian man sat down next to me. I looked up and gave him a polite "buon giorno." He nodded then proceeded to stare at me. Then, the following conversation ensued:

Old man: Excuse me, where are you from?

Me: [smiling politely] America.

Old man: Huh? Where are you from?

Me: A-mer-i-ca.

Old man: No, no, no. WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

Me: China?

Old man: Ahhh. Your English is very good!

Me: [slightly confused] Thank you.

(And yes, I had to take a picture with this guy. His name was Giuseppe. We tried talking for an hour. He also wanted to take me out to dinner and promised me a place to stay somewhere along the Almalfi coast. I didn't take either offers.)

So, you're probably wondering now why I'm telling you this story. Here goes... I have had the chance to travel around the world. And where ever I went and get asked where I'm from, I would say about 95% of the time would look at me in disbelief after they hear my response.

While working in Japan, I received a complaint from a student saying that I wasn't a native English speaker because I didn't have blonde hair and blue eyes. So, if my black hair and small dark brown eyes don't make me an American, then what am I?

A few weeks ago, my latest adventure took me back to the motherland, a.k.a. mainland China. I honestly didn't know what to expect. I thought it would be somewhat familiar having grown up in what I thought was a traditional Chinese family within a Chinese community.

I would have to say that of all the places I've traveled to, this was the first time I ever really experienced 'culture shock.' I felt confusion, sadness, helplessness, with a sprinkling of negative stereotyping. I know, weird concept, huh? A Chinese girl shocked by the Chinese culture?! Granted, my first port of entry into the middle kingdom was Shanghai, not exactly known as the friendliest city in the world. A majority of them were rude, unwelcoming, and looked at me in disgust after they found out I couldn't speak Mandarin. Within a few days into the journey, I had already made a joke to a friend saying that after meeting the Shanghainese, I no longer wanted to be Chinese.

As I made my way around the country, the shock slowly eased, but that feeling of not belonging was always still there.

The friend I was traveling with made a comment while we were waiting for a boat to arrive. We noticed about 5-6 guys squatting (as if they were on a squatty-potty) and talking to each other. He laughed in disbelief that they were sitting like so and said they looked like monkeys. At that time, I laughed with him in agreement, mainly because I was frustrated with my cultural identity crisis. But later on, the more I thought about it, that joke he made was really an insult to the men (and to me). It's just how they sit and it's normal! I know he didn't mean it as such and I didn't tell him that I was offended (but wish I did). It just put more questions into my head as to who I really am.

And now, here I am, confused as ever. My travels around the world has opened up my eyes to all the different kinds of people that are out there, and yet, the one culture I thought I could identify the most turned out to be the most complicated of all.

So, to answer the question, who am I? I am who I am. I have black hair, brown eyes, a bit squishy in between. I am Chinese on the outside, American with some Chinese in the inside. But at the end, I'm still the same as everyone else, a human being.

The Young and the Restless

Ferris is a brilliant man. (Ok, I'll give some credit to John Hughes too.) In a nutshell, he's telling us that life's short, so enjoy it the best you can.

I'm at a crossroads now and I have no idea what to do next. Every now and again, thoughts about life, work, love, relationships, and other random things just inundates my head (and hence the little specks of white starting to sprout). My point is that there is so much I want to see and do and I only have one life time to do so. How I will accomplish my bucket list remains to be seen... Although, every morning when I wake up, I hope to find a big bag of money sitting next to my bed. Hasn't happened yet, but it will.

Déjà vu

I went back to my old job after repatriating to say hi to my ex-boss and to drop off some Brasilian chocolate I had promised to bring back. Two weeks later, she emailed me asking if I was interested in going back to my old job. With a grim job market, I eagerly said yes. (Yes, bribery does work!)

It has been a little over 2 weeks since returning to the rat race. I'm still on the fence if I'm really enjoying what I'm doing. Working overseas is definitely more enjoyable. In the States, I have more bureaucracy to deal with. I thought I was able to run away from all of it when I left for Brasil. But in a matter of weeks, it all came back in a big hurry. It feels as if South America never really happened now except I now speak to my Brasilian boss only in Portuguese and I spend a ridiculous amount of time talking to my computer. (The computer part is the highlight of my day... I'm not crazy!)

I have no great epiphanies or even a decent conclusion to this post. All I got is a quote from Richard Iannelli, a clinical psychologist: Spontaneity is the quality of being able to do something just because you feel like it at the moment, of trusting your instincts, of taking yourself by surprise and snatching from the clutches of your well-organized routine a bit of unscheduled pleasure.

I think I need another trip to South America. =)