Slovenia, Slovenia, Slovenia, Slovenia

Just returned from: Ljubljana, Slovenia
This is me interviewing me. (I couldn't get anyone else to do the job. I wonder why?)

What made you decide to go to Slovenia?
I opened up easyJet's list in the back of the magazine one day and saw Ljubljana. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to say it. So, what better way than to learn than to go to the city itself. And for your information, it's lub-ble-ya-na.

Any interesting stories while over there?
For a while, I didn't think I was going to make it to Slovenia. While boarding my flight, I (and the rest of the plane) committed a federal crime by interacting with passengers from a diverted plane from Amsterdam. To make a long story short, we boarded the plane, then was told we had to get off the plane, went back inside the terminal and was re-screened by security because we could've met one of the Amsterdam people and exchange "something." Two hours after the scheduled departure, the plane finally took off. I ended up sitting next to 4 blokes on their stag (bachelor) weekend and they bought me and 2 other girls drinks. Needless to say, that was one of the quickest 2 hour flights I've ever had. (But I think I need to thank the 2 cranberry vodkas for that one.)

I see. So you're an alcoholic again. [Nodding the head in disappointment.] Nothing new. Anything else?
[While shooting the evil eye.] Hey! I take offense to that comment.
Hmm... I accidentally took the wrong bus and ended up waiting in some small village for an hour. With nothing better to do, I decided to roam around, taking pictures of trees. One local guy saw what I was doing, walked up to me and asked in Japanese 写真を撮りますか。 (take a picture?) Naturally, I responded with いいえ。大丈夫。(No, it's ok.) In a nutshell, I had a conversation with a Slovenian man in some remote village in Slovenia in Japanese and we ended up talking about East Los Angeles. He knew street names and locations of places that only locals would know. It was a bit scary.

Weird...
I KNOW! [As the voice goes one octave up.]

Did you pick up the language?
The only thing I can say in Slovenian is hvala ti (thank you) and I probably butchered the pronunciation. Oops... I do know how to say goodbye in Slovenian. It's ciao which sounds an awful lot like Italian. When in Slovenia, right? I just like saying Slovenia. Slovenia. Slovenia. Slovenia. Ok, I'm done.

[An eyeroll.] Hmmm... sure. If you say so. Where did you stay?
I stayed in a jail cell. Very comfortable. But my cell mate had really stinky feet. [Overtly excited.]

I won't ask. [Another eyeroll.] Final thoughts?
Slovenia. Slovenia. Slovenia. Slovenia. Did I mention I like saying Slovenia? It's not as fun as Ljubljana. Ljubljana. Ljubljana. Ljubljana. It just doesn't have the same effect.

Yeah, you need help. [More head shaking in disappointment.]
Hvala ti. [With a smile.]

The Token American

I stumbled upon BBC’s News Styleguide at work today. In this so-called "Styleguide", there’s a section for Americanisms which I found particularly enlightening. Here’s an excerpt:

“American speech patterns on the BBC drive some people to distraction. Adding unnecessary prepositions to verbs is guaranteed to cause apoplexy in some households. Problems which were once faced are now faced up to. In North America, people meet with other people. Everywhere else they meet them. British people keep a promise rather than deliver on it.”

I never knew American English can cause fits of anger and rage. But wait… it gets better:

“Many American words and expressions have impact and vigour, but use them with discrimination or your audience may become a tad irritated.”

Basically, the BBC is telling me that my English makes people irate and annoyed. No wonder why all the Aussies and Brits pick on me.

As a compromise, I will now put aside my beloved “David Hasselhoff saved my life” t-shirt and will replace it with a shirt that says either “Don’t talk to me. I’m American and my English will piss you off!” or "I speak American English so piss off!"

I can't really decide.

Lessons From Deutschland

Just returned from: Hamburg, Germany

Here's three things I've learned about Germany:

• It is perfectly acceptable to have a pint of beer at 9am on a Sunday morning. It is also perfectly acceptable for men to dress up like women while enjoying their pints of beer at 9am on a Sunday morning.

• "Es ist mir Wurst" or "It's sausage to me." Bratwursts, currywursts, frankfurters... I'm all wurst-out. My heart thanks me for it. (And no, the only hamburgers you can find in Hamburg is at McDonalds.)

• Long live the Hoff! Where else in the world can David Hasselhoff of Knight Rider fame be a singer and a national hero but in Germany?

Where's the Subtitle Button?

Just returned from: Glasgow, Scotland, UK
This was my first conversation at the tourist information booth in Glasgow's other airport:
Me: What's the quickest way to the city center?
TI lady: (sounds of rocks in her mouth)
Me: EH? I'm sorry. Could you repeat that again?
TI lady: (rocks) twane (more rocks) dar [I only got 'there' because she pointed.]
Me: How much is the train ticket?
TI lady: (unrecognizable sounds that might have been words)
Me: Hmmm... Ok. Thank you very much.

Another exchange with a Glaswegian at Sainsbury trying to pay for my groceries:
Cashier: (sounds of something)
Me: N [1 second pause] o
Cashier: [She hands me my sandwich and diet Coke sans plastic bag.] (more noise) [I'm pretty sure she's telling me the total.]
Me: [I look at the register but the amount is facing the lady. I give her the biggest bill in my wallet.]
Cashier: [While giving me back my change] Chiears.

If only there was a button to magically have subtitles appear.

Micasa Sucasa

I've been officially published as of today. In theory, I should be happy. According to the magazine, over 3.1 million people per month fly this airline. The probability of at least one person reading it while bored sitting on a plane is pretty high. So, why am I a bit miffed?

In actuality, I wrote 2 pieces. One was the "3 of the best: Conversions". (Well, I wrote most of it. An editor's job is to edit. Blah...)
The other was a destination guide to Casablanca, Morocco. I spent an entire day scouring for any information I can find for a place that doesn't have much information to be found. So, when I opened up to the back of the magazine and looked at Casablanca, imagine my surprise when I saw this:
In my editor's defense, I do understand why he did that. I mean, these destination guides are suppose to be written by locals. Wouldn't you believe a Chinese girl living in Morocco? We're like weeds. We're everywhere!

(Yeah, I wouldn't believe it either.)