I Teach the Good English! - Part 2

Me: What do you want to eat tonight for your dinner?
Bethania: I would like to eat chicken boobs.

Andre: Teacher, what's the difference between 'crap' and 'shit'?
Me: I can only answer that question after class.

Me: What's the best way to get someone's attention from across the street?
Girdacio: Take off all your clothes and run across the street.

Me: What's the difference between a road and a street?
Rafael: On the road, we can go 18 KPM (30 MPH) and on the street we can go 30 KPM (45 MPH) if there is no police around.

Me: Make a sentence using the word 'blond'.
Gabriel: Today, I saw a hot blond licking ice cream.
Me: Thanks for sharing.

Me: What's the dearest thing you are wearing?
Wellington: My gun is the dearest thing I'm wearing.

Me: Make me a sentence using the word 'mustache'.
Artur: Sometimes, I dream about having a golden mustache because then I can sell it and make a lot of money.

Me: What do you do on weekends?
Rafael: I fly by horse to other planets and above my town where I can see a lot of amazing stuff like bars of soap talking in several languages, a soldier grasshopper, and the yellow grass below the mushroom.

My Monday

06:00 -The alarm goes off for the fifth time. I slowly roll off my top bunk wishing it was Saturday again.

07:30 - All the sentences the students are making are related to either the cold or wanting to go back to bed.

08:10 - We pull up to the school. My ugly school ratdog, Linguiça (Brasilian sausage), is barking at me as usual. Kris, Felipe, and I talk about how to get rid of him again.

09:00 - I am yelling at my computer because the Internet connection keeps flaking on me. I was speaking to my old friend from Japan, Haruka, who I haven't talked to in over 3 years.

13:05 - I am teaching my favorite group at Behr. Rafael keeps asking me if I brought him candy. (Rafael is 26 years old engineer.)

16:00 - My co-worker tells me that Linguiça is dead as I'm going to class.

16:10 - Amalia is talking about the Jonas Brothers again and I pretend to listen. She is 11 years old. I have learned a lot about the Jonas Brothers because of her.

17:00 - Amalia and I find Linguiça in the bushes next to the school. I feel sad.

18:40 - The ex kepts staring.

21:00 - The day is over. I celebrate by eating chocolate.

22:00 - My housemate Kris informs me that one of our friends was arrested last week and is now sitting in prison probably for at least the next 3 years.

23:00 - I attempt to fall asleep but fail. My stomach is making odd noises.

I'm hoping next Monday will be slightly better.

What Is Going On?!

Ok, first it was Ed McMahon. Then it was Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Now, Billy Mays is gone?! Crazy week.

Anywho... on with the update.

• I've now been in Brasil for more than 4 months now, and yes, I'm still in my tiny village of a town. However, I can see some light at the end of the tunnel and if everything goes according to plan (fingers crossed), I'll be moving to São Paulo by the end of July.
• I experienced my first random act of criminal activity here. I didn't do it though. I was the victim. Someone stole money from my wallet from my locked room. I would like to think that all people are good in some way, but I guess that's not always the case.
  
• Can you picture me representing the U.S.? Neither can I. But, I did take a test to work for the U.S. Consulate a few weeks ago in my attempts to get a job that pays. At least now I know what to study for. I'll be cramming again in October. Yay...
  
• Winter in June. Weird concept. I wish someone told me it gets cold here. I go to bed every night wearing 2-3 sweaters and sleep with 4 blankets. Southern hemisphere... go figure.
  
• Lesson learned: Don't date a Brasilian, even if possibly you're using him to learn Portuguese more than anything else. Just don't do it. The end.
  

How to Know When Someone Is Just Trying a Little Too Hard

Please interpret this message:

I am hovel of wolf waiting the danger. The sky shows me possibilities just I don't want to see. I am underground. I enquire my soul. The answer is coming from my spirit.

So, how the heck would you respond to this?

½

I remember as a kid how excited I would get whenever May 1st rolled around. May1st meant that I was halfway to being the next age. Somehow, 7 ½ years old just sounded a lot better than 7. Maybe it was because I was one step closer to driving, voting, and all those other adult things kids wished they could do.

However, today, that ½ just doesn't have that same spark. Today, I am 29 ½ years old. Yes, that's right, I'm 29 ½ years old. It's a hard pill to swallow. I guess because when I was younger, I never really thought about life past 25. Then, when I turned 25, becoming 30 was just unimaginable. But, here I am, one step closer to a new decade in my life.

Muhammad Ali once said that age is whatever you think it is. Therefore, since someone told me earlier in the week he thought I was 23, today, I turn 23 ½. Happy half-birthday to me!