I’m currently sitting at the beach, stomach full of supermarket sushi, a tall nonfat caramel macchiato sitting to my left, surfers in the cold water in front of me, and a view of the planes taking off from the airport to my right. I’m here looking for inspiration, all in pursuit of trying to answer one question: What is love?
Today marks the one month anniversary of the break-up. The hurt still remains but slowly fading away. The main reason why it all ended was that he didn’t fall in love with me in the three weeks that we were together. (There is a back story to this, but that's another story for another time.)
So, how does one fall in love? Does the “falling in love” part have a time line? I know every person is different, but isn’t there some kind of universal formula or sequence that happens?
Merriam-Webster defines love as:
1a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests love for his old schoolmates b: an assurance of affection
2: warm attachment enthusiasm, or devotion (love of the sea)
(M-W gave seven more definitions of love, but we'll just keep it simple so everyone can read it..)
Ok, so the concept of love varies from person to person. How do you know you love someone? Does love happen when you touch someone and there’s a feeling that there’s nothing else in the world but you and that other person? If you constantly think about this person every day (and not in a stalker kind of way), does that mean you’re in love?
Then, when you think you’re in love, how do you know if that person is “the one”? I have a friend: very handsome, a professor, a chronic dater. He’s been chasing this idea of “the one” for 35 years. In his head, “the one” is someone he has some magical connection, something like you would see in the movies. I asked him if he ever came close to finding “the one.” He gave me this thinking look, then said that he probably did but never gave it chance because that magical connection wasn’t instantaneous. I then asked what if he never finds this magic. He got quiet again, then responded that he’ll accept the consequences. (A very politically correct answer.)
On the other side of the spectrum, if we find this love but you’re not 100% sure, do you settle? Do you give up on this right person and pick the person who isn’t so bad. Maybe there’s not that magic spark or he/she doesn’t challenge you, but at the end, this person makes you feel good. Do you settle because there’s that greater fear that you’ll end up alone in a house full of cats? (Ok, bad stereotype.)
I’ve decided that I’m in the middle. I want someone who will challenge me and there is that special connection. Will it always be magical? Maybe, maybe not. But at the end, I want someone who is good to me and makes me comfortable about myself. Is that too much to ask?!?!?!
Now, going back to this anniversary. I’ve accepted it. I can’t force a square peg to go through a round hole. Now, it’s time to move on and hope for the best. I can be like one of those “Sex in the City” girls who just dates half the city, thus increasing my chances. Or I’ll just start looking for a dog. (I’m allergic to cats.)
