Wet

Just returned from: Foz do Iguaçu (PR), Brasil

My little poem:

Water water everywhere

Up in the air

down to my underwear

Soaking hair

to slippery stairs

I ask Mother Nature why

but I do not dare

for I fear

that the sky might not again tear.

(I never said I was a poet!)

I'm Not 30, I'm 29 + 1.

Today is my last day in my twenties, and it hurts. I'm going to try to look at this from a 'the glass is half-full' perspective instead. I found a list of things I should do before turning 30. Since I've only got hours left, I'm just going to tick what I've done instead. Here goes.

1. Try an extreme sport. Does jumping out of an airplane count?

2. Date a bad boy. Hmmm... Define "bad boy".

3. Open a retirement account. As boring as it sounds, I've started one.

4. Dye your hair a crazy color. In college, it was red and blue. I also tried being blonde, but for an Asian girl, it just looked wrong.

5. Do a girls-trip. Just because. I went to a hens weekend in Australia and drove around California with 2 crazy girls all in the same year. That was a lot of girl-bonding time.

6. Sing Karaoke. I lived in the land that created karaoke for two years. Enough said.

7. Pay off your credit cards. Debt is scary.

8. Buy something totally frivolous, ridiculously expensive and utterly fabulous. Plane tickets? My iPod?

9. Fall in love. Hmmm... yeah. Next.

10. Crash a party. Crashing parties is my middle name.

11. Travel. I think I got this one throughly covered.

12. Volunteer. I spent 2 years volunteering at the county hospital. Granted, I was 16 at the time.

13. Do something you're totally terrified of. Public speaking. I am now a teacher.

14. Meet a drag queen. I went to Thailand twice. Both times, we played "Find the she-male."

15. Buy yourself an amazing piece of jewelry. I know I haven't done this. I have a habit of losing or breaking expensive things.

16. Love your body. It is still a process that will take my entire lifetime.

17. Learn how to change a tire. I know how to put on snow chains. That's similiar, right?

18. Reconnect with an old friend/family member. Yeah, yeah.

19. Ask for a raise. First, I must stay at a job for longer than a year.

20. Take a dance class. I took hip-hop during my boy band phase and tap dancing in my "I want to annoy everyone around me" period.

21. Schedule a health check-up. I used to do this when I had someone else paying for my heath insurance. That was 5 years ago. A lot has happened since then.

22. Understand your taxes, 401k etc. I understand that I don't make enough for the government to care. Thank goodness for TurboTax!

23. Apply for your dream job. I did. Didn't get it, but the point is I tried.

24. Do something insanely romantic for someone you love. First, I need to find someone to love.

25. Host a dinner party for your family. I make a good turkey.

26. Master an amazing dish. My brother claims that I make a good brownie cheesecake. I still don't remember this.

27. Swim in the ocean. I prefer pools, but I like sticking my feet in the ocean.

28. Go to dinner and a movie by yourself. Done that. I wait for no one when it comes to Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds.

29. Live alone. It would be nice if I could. My financial funds are a little lacking.

30. Ask a guy out. Did it last night. Drunk texting.

Bring on 30!

Father Knows Best

A sample conversation with my father:

Father: The dryer machine broke down. Your mother is not too happy about it. It will be very expensive to fix.
Me: I don't even have a washing machine. I have to wash everything by hand.
Father: That should be easy. You only have five things to wash a week, right? You have two underwears, a T-shirt, pants, and skirt. Very easy.
Me: [shaking my head in disbelief] Yes, father. I only change my underwear twice a week. I flip it over to get more use out of it. I try to live as simple as possible.

Pensamentos do Mês

Lessons learned this month:

• Sitting in an office all day is not for me.
• It's always good to have a side business.
  
• Matt Bellamy is a freaking musical genius!
  
• No matter how hard I tried, at the end of the day, I'm still Asian and we're not meant to consume alcohol.
• The evil "puta" does have a nice side. She actually saved me a piece of cake that she had made while I was gone for the weekend. It's been more than a week since I consumed it, so she didn't put any rat poison in it.
• 12 hour bus rides are painful. Plan ahead and buy a plane ticket.
  
• My bad Portuguese entertains people.
  
• My best friend order:
  
  1. My Portuguese-English dictionary I've named Oxford
     
  2. My new dentist, Dr. Albino
  
  

The Laws of the Land

I currently live with two older ladies. One is 90 years old. She owns the apartment and is a nice lady who offers me food, but can't hear very well and therefore, doesn't know much of what is going on around her. The other is her caregiver, a 65 year old hag who I like to refer to as 'the puta'. (It's not a good word. But there's no other way to describe her.) She pretty much takes care of everything around the house and the following are rules I need to follow:

Rule #1: Upon entering the apartment, you must wash your hands for 5 minutes. She doesn't want to run the risk of getting the swine flu.

Rule #2: You can only brush your hair in the sink. Hair falling out naturally is a sin.

Rule #3: You are not allowed to talk to your roommates for any given reason. Talking makes noises.

Rule #4: No more than one person can sit on a bed at a time. Otherwise, the bed frame will break.

Rule #5: Only two people can be in a room at one time. There is a possibility that things can be broken.

Rule #6: Once the refrigerator has been opened and closed, you must wait 1 minute before it can be opened again. Count out loud if needed. That way, everything inside will remain cold.

Rule #7: You are not allowed to wear any perfume of any kind. It will overpower her cigarettes.

Rule #8: You can only use the back burners of the stove. If you use the front burners, there is a chance that you can spill something, thus making her have to tell you to clean it.

Rule #9: Nothing can be said during Caminho das Índias, a Brazilian telenovela, but she's allowed to make all the commentary she wants.

Rule #10: All doors must have cloth to muffle the slamming. If the door makes a sound, get ready for a mouthful of 'palavras feias' (ugly words).

As you can see, it's a lovely place to live. (Sarcasm...) That on top of the fact that she said she hates having an estrangeiro (a foreigner... basically me) living in the house. On the bright side, at least I'm learning a lot more Portuguese.

The Latest...

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent, but you'll get the general idea.)Who's more obsessed: me or him?

A New Day, A New City

Currently in: São Paulo, Brasil

Ok, I did bring this upon myself. When I first arrived in Brasil 5 months ago, I ended up in tiny place called Arujá, a tiny suburb made up mainly of upper middle-class families and their gated communities . There are no shopping malls here and everything is closed by 8pm. I quickly requested a transfer and every day, I wished to be anywhere else.

Now, let's fast forward to today. I'm now living in the third largest city in the world, the metropolis of South America. Things are always happening and people are everywhere. Nevertheless, I'm longing to go back to the countryside. Go figure, right?

Last Saturday, I moved into my room. I walked in to find my roommate, Melisa, to still be sleeping at 2pm. My friend who helped me moved said my new home resembled what he would have imagined a "whore house" to be. Then he took me to see his friends who lived in this massive flat with a magnificent view of the city. I subtly asked if they had a spare room. I returned my room at 10pm. Melisa stared at me the entire time I was unpacking.

On Sunday, I woke up at 11am and quickly left the room with Melisa still sleeping. I spent 3 hours trying to find Internet and finally found an Apple store where I pretended to be interested in buying a laptop. I returned to the room at 3pm to find the roomie sleeping. I quickly got some things and met up with some people back in Arujá. I ended up sleeping over at a friend's house.

It took 1.5 hours for me to get back to SP Monday morning, but it was all good. I arrived in my room at 8am to find Melisa asleep. The room smelled like wet towels. I quickly changed and went to training. I told my boss that I was scared of my roommate. He said he had the same feeling too. We quickly checked out 3 other rooms and settled on an apartment one block away. I returned to the "whore house" at 4pm to find Melisa still asleep. As I was packing, she woke up and asked if I was going away. I said yes, and she covered her head with her blanket.

I'm now living with 2 grandmothers and some university students. One of the grandmothers got mad at me because I left my shoes on the floor, but I'm learning. I have to cook for myself and I no longer have a washing machine.

I MISS ARUJÁ! (haha...)

I Teach the Good English! - Part 2

Me: What do you want to eat tonight for your dinner?
Bethania: I would like to eat chicken boobs.

Andre: Teacher, what's the difference between 'crap' and 'shit'?
Me: I can only answer that question after class.

Me: What's the best way to get someone's attention from across the street?
Girdacio: Take off all your clothes and run across the street.

Me: What's the difference between a road and a street?
Rafael: On the road, we can go 18 KPM (30 MPH) and on the street we can go 30 KPM (45 MPH) if there is no police around.

Me: Make a sentence using the word 'blond'.
Gabriel: Today, I saw a hot blond licking ice cream.
Me: Thanks for sharing.

Me: What's the dearest thing you are wearing?
Wellington: My gun is the dearest thing I'm wearing.

Me: Make me a sentence using the word 'mustache'.
Artur: Sometimes, I dream about having a golden mustache because then I can sell it and make a lot of money.

Me: What do you do on weekends?
Rafael: I fly by horse to other planets and above my town where I can see a lot of amazing stuff like bars of soap talking in several languages, a soldier grasshopper, and the yellow grass below the mushroom.

My Monday

06:00 -The alarm goes off for the fifth time. I slowly roll off my top bunk wishing it was Saturday again.

07:30 - All the sentences the students are making are related to either the cold or wanting to go back to bed.

08:10 - We pull up to the school. My ugly school ratdog, Linguiça (Brasilian sausage), is barking at me as usual. Kris, Felipe, and I talk about how to get rid of him again.

09:00 - I am yelling at my computer because the Internet connection keeps flaking on me. I was speaking to my old friend from Japan, Haruka, who I haven't talked to in over 3 years.

13:05 - I am teaching my favorite group at Behr. Rafael keeps asking me if I brought him candy. (Rafael is 26 years old engineer.)

16:00 - My co-worker tells me that Linguiça is dead as I'm going to class.

16:10 - Amalia is talking about the Jonas Brothers again and I pretend to listen. She is 11 years old. I have learned a lot about the Jonas Brothers because of her.

17:00 - Amalia and I find Linguiça in the bushes next to the school. I feel sad.

18:40 - The ex kepts staring.

21:00 - The day is over. I celebrate by eating chocolate.

22:00 - My housemate Kris informs me that one of our friends was arrested last week and is now sitting in prison probably for at least the next 3 years.

23:00 - I attempt to fall asleep but fail. My stomach is making odd noises.

I'm hoping next Monday will be slightly better.

What Is Going On?!

Ok, first it was Ed McMahon. Then it was Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Now, Billy Mays is gone?! Crazy week.

Anywho... on with the update.

• I've now been in Brasil for more than 4 months now, and yes, I'm still in my tiny village of a town. However, I can see some light at the end of the tunnel and if everything goes according to plan (fingers crossed), I'll be moving to São Paulo by the end of July.
• I experienced my first random act of criminal activity here. I didn't do it though. I was the victim. Someone stole money from my wallet from my locked room. I would like to think that all people are good in some way, but I guess that's not always the case.
  
• Can you picture me representing the U.S.? Neither can I. But, I did take a test to work for the U.S. Consulate a few weeks ago in my attempts to get a job that pays. At least now I know what to study for. I'll be cramming again in October. Yay...
  
• Winter in June. Weird concept. I wish someone told me it gets cold here. I go to bed every night wearing 2-3 sweaters and sleep with 4 blankets. Southern hemisphere... go figure.
  
• Lesson learned: Don't date a Brasilian, even if possibly you're using him to learn Portuguese more than anything else. Just don't do it. The end.
  

How to Know When Someone Is Just Trying a Little Too Hard

Please interpret this message:

I am hovel of wolf waiting the danger. The sky shows me possibilities just I don't want to see. I am underground. I enquire my soul. The answer is coming from my spirit.

So, how the heck would you respond to this?

½

I remember as a kid how excited I would get whenever May 1st rolled around. May1st meant that I was halfway to being the next age. Somehow, 7 ½ years old just sounded a lot better than 7. Maybe it was because I was one step closer to driving, voting, and all those other adult things kids wished they could do.

However, today, that ½ just doesn't have that same spark. Today, I am 29 ½ years old. Yes, that's right, I'm 29 ½ years old. It's a hard pill to swallow. I guess because when I was younger, I never really thought about life past 25. Then, when I turned 25, becoming 30 was just unimaginable. But, here I am, one step closer to a new decade in my life.

Muhammad Ali once said that age is whatever you think it is. Therefore, since someone told me earlier in the week he thought I was 23, today, I turn 23 ½. Happy half-birthday to me!

I Teach the Good English!

Me: Ana Cassia, please make a sentence using the word 'sausage'.
Ana Cassia: I don't like to drink the water from sausages.
Me: Hmm... good to know.

Alex: Teacher, your hair color is like what rabbits eat.
Me: Thanks, I think.

Me: What do you tell someone who's being a nuisance to you?
Zukalas: I will tell him to go have sex. And if he doesn't have a girlfriend, go find a prostitute.

Me: Tell me something that happened to you by accident.
Renata: My son.

Me: Are you married?
Lucas: No. I'm not married, but I'm test-driving now.
Me: Huh?
Lucas: Yes, test-driving.
Me: Do you mean before marriage?
Lucas: Yes.
Me: So, you are engaged?
Lucas: Yes.

Wellington: Walking down the aisle in a wedding is like walking to my death.

Trials and Tribulations

Currently located: (Still in) Arujá, Brasil

54 days in Brasil and counting...

• I was suppose to have transferred today to Pomerode, the "most typically German of all German towns of southern Brasil." However, that never happened. When I first signed up to work in Brasil, I thought I would be experiencing Brasilian culture. Had I wanted to live in a German town, I would've moved to Germany. Makes sense, right? Also, living in the area that produces Victoria's Secret models isn't exactly a confidence booster.
  
• I've all but given up learning Portuguese. For some reason, every time I make any attempt, Japanese comes out of my mouth.
• Brasilian BBQ count: 6 with 2 coming up.
• Callan still sucks, but now, it's somewhat manageable. That's because I don't really follow the book anymore. Haha... (Just like old times.)
  

Since I don't have much else to write about now, here are some pictures of my wonderful little town.

The meat store!

Local tagging. I actually like it. It's not really vandalism when you can actually see some theme.

Happy April Fools Day!

Oops! UCSD Sends Acceptance E-mail to Wrong List University Fails Basic Math, Gives Rejectees Hope

By ERIC S. PAGE Updated 11:32 AM PDT, Wed, Apr 1, 2009

UCSD gave thousands of students a reason to smack their heads and say, "D'oh!"

UC San Diego -- a school for the smart ones, supposedly -- mistakenly congratulated nearly 29,000 applicants on their acceptance, according to university officials.

Earlier this month, about 17,000 students were offered admission for the fall, leaving nearly 29,000 hopefuls out in the cold. But on Tuesday, the school's communications office said an e-mail was sent Monday afternoon to all 46,377 students who applied for admission -- including the 29,000 rejects -- welcoming them to the campus. A half-hour later, school officials said, they realized their mistake. Almost two hours after the first note went out, a second e-mail was sent, apologizing to 28,889 freshmen applicants for the mistake. "No member of this department is more acutely aware of the emotional roller-coaster that this could cause for our applicants," Assistant Vice Chancellor Mae W. Brown said. An anonymous parent told the Los Angeles Times it was a "colossal screw-up." Similar incidents have happened at other schools -- including Cornell in the recent past, the paper reported -- but the UCSD incident was the biggest "screw-up." *That's my alma mater!*

Oh Callan, How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways...

This is what I do 6 hours every day, 5 days a week minus the British accent:
(To save yourself from permanent damage, stop the video after one minute.)

Thank goodness for vodka.

Brazilian Etiquette: Lessons Learned

• I've kissed so many random people that it's no longer funny. (Ok, it's cheek kissing, but still... my blood still says I'm Asian and we just don't do that.)
• Brazilian time means if you're meeting someone, then you must be at least half an hour late. If it's a party, then you should always come a minimum is one hour past the start time. If someone is picking you up from the airport and you've never been to the area, is moving there for at least a year, and you can't speak the language, expect 1.5 hours of pure panic and stress.
• From my travel book: Brazilian women dress "sexy" in all situations, whether business, formal or casual. Foreign women who want to blend in should avoid wearing overly formal, conservative attire. My T-shirts and jeans are apparently too conservative here. My boss even told me to get chicken cutlets to help in certain areas.
  
• While the OK sign means good back home, here in Brazil, it is the equivanent to the middle finger. I had already shown the OK sign to my boss at least 10 times before someone finally told me what it meant.

When Will It Stop?

Currently at: Arujá, Brasil

Let's rewind to Friday...

• Friday, 08:15 - Started my final class in Kaplan. Only 5 students showed up. The two missing students had told me the day before they were going to Disneyland.
• Friday, 09:15 - Was walking to Coffee Bean since the students had decided that they were not going to learn on my last day.
• Friday, 10:30 - Two other classes strolled into Coffee Bean also deciding that they were not going to learn on my last day.
• Friday, 11:30 - Back at school waiting for the Kaplan Oscars to start (students made films... pretty cool).
• Friday, 15:30 - Still at school. The movies took a lot longer than I thought. Tried to say goodbye to everyone, but that had been an hour ago. Starving.
  
• Friday, 16:30 - Finally at home trying to pack while eating my last In-n-out cheeseburger protein style, no spread, with grilled onions. Got a message from my two missing students who went to Disneyland wants to meet up for dinner. I sigh...
  
• Friday, 20:00 - Eating at a Chinese restaurant. The owner kept speaking in Cantonese. I accidentally respond to his questions. The students no longer believe I'm a natural blonde from Estonia who was trying to be Asian.
• Friday, 22:00 - At my first and last dorm party. Watched one guy make a complete fool of himself after downing 3/4 of a bottle of vodka in one hour. Everyone was shocked to see me there.
• Friday, 23:00 - Tried to leave the party but more people kept coming and talking to me.
• Saturday, 00:30 - Still at the party.
• Saturday, 01:00 - Finally on my way home. Left with about 10 students surrounding my car. One was drunk out of his mind but was entertaining. Another started crying which weirded me out. Everyone else stood and waved.
• Saturday, 06:30 - Woke up to the smell of cigarettes. (No, I wasn't the one smoking. I was just surrounded by smokers all night long.)
• Saturday, 08:45 - Gave up packing thinking who really needs clothes?! I'm going to Brasil!
• Saturday, 10:00 - Went to my last family breakfast in a while. I told my little cousin Joshua that I was going to be on an airplane later in the day. His response: "You can die on an airplane." I told him, "Thank you for that information."
• Saturday, 11:30 - Off to the airport. Promised the family I wouldn't climb any more mountains.
• Saturday, 12:30 - Bored and started texting people just to see who would actually respond. Got a message back saying the police had stopped by the party twice that night. The party ended when the guest of honor chucked.
• Saturday, 14:30 - On the plane heading to Houston, Texas. Had to sit next to a really fat guy who kept jabbing me with his elbow. I took a picture of his fat belly while he was sleeping. (FYI, Continental Airlines still serves free food. Continental rocks!)
  
• Saturday, 21:00 - Barely found my connecting gate. Still had enough time to make my last phone call. I asked him if I go to Antarctica, would a polar bear be working at immigration? If so, would I get a paw print as my visa stamp? He laughed without a response.
• Sunday, 00:00 - In the air. Told by the flight attendant the entertainment system is broken, so no inflight movies. Continental sucks!
• Sunday, 09:45 - Woke up with serious neck pain. Looked outside to see that the plane was ready to land. A flight attendant walked by and was about to take my breakfast away that they had left for me earlier. I took my piece of bread and fruit and ate it in a minute.
• Sunday, 10:30 - Breezed through immigration, got my luggage, and was out the door in 10 minutes. However, there was nobody there to pick me up. I started to panic.
• Sunday, 11:30 - Finally found my school director. She said that immigration usually takes 2 hours. Then, she asked me if I wanted to go to a party right then.
• Sunday, 12:30 - At my school director's house. Everyone is speaking Portuguese. I'm completely lost. However, there's food and lots of it. Can't really complain.
• Sunday, 14:30 - In serious food coma. I ate enough meat to last me a week.
• Sunday, 15:30 - Still at the party but now begging to go back.
• Sunday, 17:00 - I'm in my new home and I crashed.
• Monday, 08:46 - Blogging and wondering how I can get out of my new home. I don't have keys yet. Hmm... Wish me luck?
  

I ♥ Chocolate

• 07:00: Made myself some chocolate coffee. Yummy...
• 08:20: Was given 2 Raspberry Hershey's Kisses by a co-worker.
• 08:25: A guy pulled out a box of Ferrero Rochers and offered me one. I had to take one.
  
• 08:50: Received 2 heart-shaped chocolate chip cookies made by my student.
• 09:10: Ate a piece of dark chocolate in my bag while the students worked on a word puzzle.
• 09:20: Gave out the dark chocolate for the word puzzle. Thought about eating another piece but stopped.
• 09:45: Another teacher walked into the room handing out Valentines and Kisses.
• 10:14: The student who gave me the chocolate chip cookies asked me to try her cookie. I smiled, told her I had to take care of something, then shoved the cookies in my pocket.
• 10:16: Ran into other students and ended up with a handful of chocolate.
• 10:25: The student asked me if I liked the chocolate chip cookie. I pulled a cookie out of my pocket and ate it in front of her.
• 10:30: Another student gave me a box of chocolates.
• 10:45: Attempted to give out all the chocolate on my desk. I failed.
• 11:25: Went downstairs. Was told I had to try the chocolate brought by the Brasilians. I obliged.
• 11:30: Found a table filled with ice cream, cake, and rice crispy treats.
  
• 11:45: Quickly ran to my car and drove away.
• 12:30: Arrived at 24 hour Fitness.
• 14:30: Left 24 hour Fitness.
• 15:00: Went into the kitchen to find the container of chocolate brownies I had intended to take to work sitting on the table. Opened the lid and popped a bit into my mouth.
  
• 22:00: Sold the chocolate chip cookie made by my student to my brother.
  
• 22:18: Blogged with 3 empty chocolate wrappers next to me while reading the antioxidant capacity of dark chocolate. (480mg per serving. It's just as good as eating blueberries!)
• 22:25: Debating if I should go back to 24 hour Fitness now.
  

I truly believe chocolate makers created Valentine's Day for the sole purpose of making me fat.

13 and Counting...

I know nobody is really reading this blog. And yet, I still feel obliged to write in it. Go figure.

Anywho, I've started to count down again. 13 more days. In 13 days, I'll be boarding a plane to Brasil and leaving all normalcy behind. And yet, I feel absolutely nothing. I haven't even really told anyone. I've left clues, albeit skint ones. I'm not really worried that the only Portuguese I know is "Oi!" and "Fome" (I'm hungry). (Ok, I do know something else, but no Brasilian will actually give me an exact translation.) I should be excited or at least terrified. Is there something wrong with me?

Estou Perdida!

"The future has a way of arriving unannounced." - George Will, an American journalist

Ok, so I haven't been writing for a while. Admittedly, I suck. However, it's 2009, and as part of my New Year's resolution (#5), here I am.

"Change, change, and more change." That's all I've been hearing since the world has gone haywire some six months ago. For whatever reason, I started applying for random jobs even though I like my job now. And as luck would turn out, I was offered a position in a teaching program in São Paulo, Brasil. This was back in early December. I waffled, moaned, debated, and sat on the fence on this decision until now, ten days before I'm set to start this program.

I remember when I got the job in Japan. Without any hesitation, I signed my life away without a care in the world. That was four years ago. I'm slightly older now and slowly approaching a certain age which I'm in denial of. There's that doubt in my mind that I might not be able to do it all again. Can I adapt to life in Brazil? Will I make friends there? Will I freak out and jump back on the plane? 

Decisions... decisions...

Happy 2009!!!

Currently in: Las Vegas, NV

As I sit in a dark hotel room slowly sipping my cup of free coffee while recovering from what was another New Year's Eve celebration, I am left to think about this brand new year. So, as tradition goes, here are my resolutions for 2009:

1. Stop going to Las Vegas!!! (Unacceptable excuses: free rooms, hanging out with friends who just happen to be in Vegas that weekend, seafood buffets, 1 cent Monopoly, Wheel of Fortune)
2. Don't cry too much come November 1st.
3. Send Scharffen Berger chocolates to Russia and Korea.
4. Travel around the world to see all my special friends.
   
5. Start writing again.
6. Get 8 straight hours of sleep at least once a week.
7. Brush my hair more often.
8. Skydive in South America (Argentina preferably, but Brasil would be OK too).
9. Eat more fish because fish is good for me.
10. Never give up. (Actually, #10 was going to be 'cut back on coffee', but I already broke that resolution 8 hours after the start of the new year.)